I left home at 16, I had too. That home was a bad place.
I found a roommate, a 23 year old (druggie)guy.
I couldn't get a job, I was a runaway. I had to find a way to get money for rent, food, etc. I got a sugar daddy. I was 16 he was 55, we didn't have sex (he wanted to of course) but he payed my bills for a month before he raped me.
I was a mess, My roommate offered me drugs weed and percs. They became my friends. They were all I had.
I started selling used panties on craigslist for money, $40 a pair. Got paid for a guy to lick my feet, sent pics for money, gave massages for money, I did this for 2 years. (disgusting I know)
I turned 18 I became a phone sex operator, I wasn't making much.
I found a "boyfriend" he helped me "scam" guys we met in clubs.
I got offered a job as a stripper. I made tons, moved, got my own place, i hated stripping, I still do...but its all I know now. I have been doing it for 2 years.
I am not who I wanted to be at all. I had a good heart, I was innocent, I just wanted a better life. I want a change but I'm too much of a mess to do anything. Im scared of my future, I'm scared I will die. I never thought this would be me, I wanted to be a teacher, have a nice family, and thats all. Its so hard to be strong, I still have emotions but I do everything I can not to feel them. I wish I believed in god, but I don't. I am so lost, so confused, and so alone. I apologize to my younger self...I know this isn't what she wanted. |